I've gone blind

For one whole month I've been rolled into endless amounts of cuddles and love. It's the best thing I know - almost. Sometimes I really feel like my life IS a cliché. When you stop looking for love, it pops up from all around you.
First I found love for myself.
As I wrote in an earlier post inhere, I found out that I actually do like most components of the person I've become. Sure, I'm still an insecure 20-year old who doesn't know what to do with life yet, but I've come to the conclusion, that it is alright to feel that way. It's actually necessary to feel that. But as long as I'm feeling good in my insecurity, it's fine. I love my body. I've realized I can be really beautiful, and that I don't have to loose weight, and don't have to wear makeup all the time. I've found out that I love my weird obscure thoughts and mind... and can I call it intelligence? I don't even know what these odd things going on in my mind are, but I like them.
Second, I found out I love my past.
How ever cliché that may sound, it's made me who I am. I've been through a whole bunch of really bad relationships, but they've helped me understand what I really want in a relationship, and they've made me extremely honest about that. Both to lovers and to friends, I'm very honest about everything - at least I think I am! And I've been through things with my family, which has somewhat made a close bond to them, but most of all, has helped me be more tolerant to people around me.... at some point I realized, not everyone's like me, or has the same opinions as me.... shocking right?
Third, I found out I love those small moments in my every day.
As my last post about the Copenhagen shopping spree. If you let your mind be open to experiences like that, they happen all around you. And the way I experienced those small events that day made me reflect over my past and also my future. I think it's this self-reflection that develops us as persons. And I believe, that if you put some reflection into every single day, you've learned something new about yourself, and about life in general.

Over all, when you've learned to accept yourself, it's so much easier to meet new people, get friends, fall in love - because the acceptance transmits to other people, and it gets much easier for them to accept you. I'm very happy with where I am right now - even though my life is sort of a chaos - but in my mind, I feel so.... calm.. and happy. Sometimes life is really good, and this is one of the times!

So here comes one of my biggest feel-good favorite songs:

Copenhagen shopping spree

I must admit the last year has been anything but fun to me.
I've had a hard time smiling, and when I look through my private journal on my pc, there's absolutely nothing nice in it from the last year - I bet it's the same on this blog, so I'm sorry about that.

But today, I experienced one of those feelings where you can just feel.. joy. Joy you did not expect on a quite boring and meaningless day.
I was on my way home from the university, when I decided to get off my bike and walk down through the shopping spree of Copenhagen, since it's on the way home anyways. I'm quite happy I made that decision.
On the way, I first bump into this amazing little street orchestra. A man slapping an acoustic guitar, a guy playing banjo, a guy playing on one of these drum-boxes kind of things, and a lady playing flute. Their music really reminded me about the feelings some music can make me feel - like when I listen to the soundtrack from the cartoon Spirit, or the music from Edward Scissorhands. It's like my heart lights up and I feel like I lift a little bit from the ground. It's the kind of music that makes me feel like I can do anything.

Next thing I bump into on my walk is another street musician. A guy standing in the archway opposite the round tower. His clothes is baggy and worn. He has long hair, which looks like he didn't care to cut or style it, and a beard looking like he didn't care to take time to shave this morning. He has an acoustic guitar and an amazing and crisp voice. This guy made me stop for a second, since I was very drawn to his music. He made me think of a certain someone I still struggle to forget about. But then I realized.. even though I was drawn to his music and his natural charm, he was.. Not enough. I wouldn't be able to be with a person like that. A person who doesn't care for anything but his own music and his own little world. Not being able to care for me, or to go somewhere with his life - like that other person haunting my mind every day.

My feet leads me to Kultorvet, and the weirdest thing happen. I've just had one realization about an ex-boyfriend, and then another memory hits me. The square is filled with Scientology-people who tries to spread the word of dianetics. I have another ex-boyfriend who tried to make me use that, and in this moment I remember how.. ridiculous and naive I used to be in my past. I always just listened to whatever people told me, and did whatever they wanted me to, instead of maintaining my own opinions. This has also affected my choice of boyfriends in the past - since I always just ended up with someone who adored me - not so much the other way around (at least some of the times).

My walk comes to an end, and sums up everything I've experienced in a very good way. First, I get a free tasting of a vegan cake. I've considered for some time now to become vegan, or at least vegetarian when I cook at home. It's healthy, it's cheap, and can be really tasty - which that cake really reminded me!
Also, I bump into an old friend. A girl I haven't seen in ages, but who I've always really liked - most of all because she's always so nice, happy and positive. She never see people in a bad light, and is just so fun to be around, since she's so positive!
Both things that points to what I want my future to contain. Positive vibes and a healthy lifestyle.

I think I should take this walk down the shopping spree every week. Especially if I get the same experiences and realizations every time I do it. When I got home, I just had a really good feeling inside of me, and that's an describable feeling I've really missed. Thank you wonderful Copenhagen!

- Kayleigh

How to solve your problems

Sooo. I was thinking.. I'm currently in a job where there's a lot of like.. problem solving to do. And I've realized that the way i work with problems/challenges there is perfect for all kinds of problems. So I hope all the whiners out there, or just people who have lots of problems will see this, and use it. I will use this way of thinking myself, and I already do so. Especially when friends have problems and want my help. I'm not the kind of person who just pads on the shoulder and tell them they're so right about how much their live suck. I always try to find a solution on how to get rid of the problem. So this is a kind of request to all of you :D

btw - don't judge me on my amazing picture editing skills :b

2 lists

List of what I do when I'm happy
- I sing all the time, even with other people there
- I buy stuff for my loved ones
- I party a lot
- I exercise and dance
- I cry when something makes me sad
- I spend time on my looks
- I wanna see people all the time
- I'm rarely at home
- I talk a lot
- I try to catch up with people I haven't seen in ages
- I'm honest
- I do housework
- I find people funny
- I take pictures
- I get ideas

List of what I do when I'm unhappy
- I sleep a lot
- I sit and do nothing
- I don't cry if I get sad - I push the thoughts away
- I read books
- I cancel dates with friends
- I don't do my hair, I put it into a bun or ponytail
- I eat
- I spend hours on social networks, without replying to any messages
- I talk to my dogs, and write journals
- I "smile"
- I forget things easily
- I watch tv all the time
- I find people mean, or unimportant
- I get jealous
- I compare myself to other people
- I don't believe in myself
- I can only handle very few things/dicissions at a time
- I eat candy
- My neck and head hurts constantly

C'est la Question

Don't you have time for me, or don't you wanna spend your time on me?

 

.... well, fuck it.

 

Another quote I love

..Being what we can..

- Kayleigh

Whine-blogging

I am really sorry about this, but I REALLY need to whine for a sec:

It's freeeeezing here in Denmark.. It's still snowing and we're in April!! WTF IS GOING ON WITH THIS COUNTRY?
I am working Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday this week... and fun fact. People don't buy ice cream when it's snowing, so I'm trapped here with absolutely nothing to do (at least I get money).......... but it is sooooooo boring :'c


Picture from prom last year - fun in the ladies room

Prom is coming up, and my dress just arrived (there will be pics up at some point), but everything is so expensive! The ticket is like.. 200 dkk or something. Then there's the dress, the transport to get there (it's a tradition to do something funny or freaky about that at my school), the booze (don't worry, I still love you booze, I'll never let you go <3), the shoes, the everything..... and on top of that we have to pay for the graduation-truck-thing (some danish tradition where we drive around the city and drink and shout at people.. kinda.. its quite funny!)... and thats 600 dkk. And then there's a birthday in my family this Saturday....... I have absolutely no money left for myself this month!!!!

I'm sitting at my work right now being bored. That's why I'm writing this blog. And when I'm this bored, I get really weird.... just like when I'm too tired. I'm sorry for being such a freak. I hope you guys still love me.. or like me... or... idk!!! I hope you care for me!! that's a good phraze!

ANYWAYS

I never get any comments on my blogposts, and I think that sucks! I'd love to get some suggestions or some responses of SOME kind.
So will you guys pleeeeease do me a favor, if you read this, leave a comment. Doesn't matter what you say. Tell me why your life sucks right now (I didn't give you half the reasons why my life sucks in the above text, but whatever)
.. Or come with ideas!
What would you like me to do? I've thought about vlogging and putting it inhere kinda? Tell meeeeeee! Or you can just say something completely random like... I have a dog called Spike... or whatever!
COMMENT. NOW!... please :)



- Kayleigh