My great expectations

This was an essay we had to write in school. Thought I'd post it to you guys.

When I started writing about this, I realized how sensitive this topic is to me. I’m not sure I’m going to fill out the needed number of words, but that’s because I want to keep this essay to a certain level of honesty.

When I turned 8, I decided I wanted to become an actress when I grew up. The following years, I set up a lot of expectations to myself. I learned to sing, read sheet music, act, dance and be energetic no matter how tired or sick I was feeling. I participated in many different performances to improve all my skills. I worked as professional actress by the age of 9, and joined the girls’ choir of Copenhagen by the age of 12. I worked as hard as I could, both in school and on my great dream. But as the years passed by, I grew older, and people around me started to expect more from me. In the choir, the teachers picked out very few solo singers. I was chosen as the understudy for the mezzo-soprano soloist, but sadly the mezzo-soprano soloist never got sick. For 4 years I was told that I wasn’t good enough to be the best. I was only the second best.

The following years were horrible. I realized that my dreams of becoming an actress weren’t very realistic, since many people in Denmark tried to become actors, so I was just one in the bunch. And since I had taught myself I was only the second best, I never thought I would be able to get chosen at any auditions ever. After having given up my dream, I also started to give up on myself. I stopped socializing and pushed people around me away from me. I didn’t want anyone to come too close, afraid of letting them hurt me or make fun of me. I was lost. I had never felt so alone, and insecure. I didn’t have any ideas about what I wanted with my life, and I started focusing completely on my studies. I gave all my time to doing my homework, and aiming for the best grades. It did work fine, but it was only a cover for my small depression.

After a few years, I started to see that this was going nowhere. I decided to make a big change in my life, and pick up my old acting-dream. I went to a new school with music and theater as the main subjects. Every year the school had a big musical, and the auditions were getting close. I felt ready to give it a try, but that’s when I came to realize something. When you haven’t socialized for years, you have become a more shy and closed person, which is definitely not a good thing for an actress. I went to the auditions to learn all the dances and manuscripts, but sadly, I never dared showing up in front of the judgers. Again, I stopped trying and I had no idea what to do to move on. I didn’t want to go through another 3 years alone. I had to start all over.

That’s when I decided to go to Tårnby Gymnasium. I tried to be as open as possible, and to get new friends so I could feel comfortable being in school. So far, it has worked out amazing. The big test will come this year, when the musical is running at our school. I will do my best to participate as an actress, dancer or singer. The important thing for me is to be a part of it.

After going through all those changes in my life, I’ve realized that I’ve got to stop expecting things from myself, and I’ve got to stop letting people’s expectations have such a big influence on me. Maybe I’m not going to become an actress ever. But at least, I’ve chosen to study the subject that interests me the most: Music. I might become a big music composer like Danny Elfman. I might become a great actor like Johnny Depp. I might become a third thing I never thought about. For now, I only know that I have to stop expecting things from myself, and let the dreams guide me through my life.

Don't live down to expectations. Go out there and do something remarkable – Wendy Wasserstein