Control freak

Being in control is satisfying. To be in so much control, you can make everything around you do as you want to, is an amazing feeling. To have that power. The meanest, but also most satisfying form of control, is to be able to control people. To look into their eyes, and read them like an open book, just to manipulate with them afterwards. Yup, it's very mean, and no one should ever do that to another person. It's just not easy to resist such a big temptation of full control.

Boys.. they're the easiest ones. Girls always know you're playing games, and they're almost always good at spotting if you're manipulating, but boys... they're different. They're so easy to twirl around your fingertip.. you don't have to try very hard. But if you're not cold as ice when it comes to feelings, you'll get hurt. Because at some point, when you're done with playing games, you'll end up breaking their hearts.

Anyways.. the biggest point of this thread is my personal problem. I cannot control myself. I can't understand the feelings I'm feeling, the thoughts I'm thinking, the things I'm longing for.. and it kills me not to be in control, since I pretty much always am. I really hope, that someday me and the people around me will get old enough to stop playing games, and just be completely honest with each other. Then I might begin to understand myself, and be able to control myself. Hah.. I wish.. not gonna happen.

- Kayleigh

Defines love

        "Love is like a war. Easy to start, difficult

          to stop, and never to forget,,

Just a heartless angel

Yup yup.. She looks amazingly beautiful. Long wings with soft and fragile feathers. Big blue eyes, soft skin, soft lips with a red tone. She knows she looks very sweet and beautiful, and she knows people thinks that she is a sweet and warm person. Always giving and always helping out. Always making people feel better, always listening, always advising. And yes, she is all those things. Only problem is, when you cut her chest open, you'll find no heart. It's not that someone ripped it out. She just haven't found that special one who can give her a heart yet. Because the truth is, that no matter how sweet and helpful she seems, she will take advantage of you in the end. She will try to steal your heart, and if she can't have it, or if it isn't good enough for her, she will break it. Crush it. It's horrible how everyone would probably think she's a mean girl, after knowing what she does to people.. but the truth is, she's only longing to be as good a person as she looks. She only fights to be what she really wants to be, she just doesn't know any better method than this. If you ever meet her, tell her that you know her story, be gentle to her, and don't let her crush you, as she did to so many other before you. Take your time to find her soft spots, and help her become that angel she's truly longing to be. Please. Give her a chance.

- Kayleigh

The missing feeling.

You're the only person who has ever made me feel that way. It sucks! Since everybody keeps getting sad about it.. writing songs and poems about it.. People kill themselves because of that feeling.. but it's a feeling I miss.. On the other site, I also miss the opposite. It's not just love I'm reffering to right here. It's rejection. The fact that you love someone more than they love you. Only once, have that happened to me. No one have ever broken up with me. It's always me who's the mean one... and I HATE that. I'm sick of ending up as the mean one, even when I'm trying to be as sweet as possible.
People always say I'm cute and sweet and beautiful. But I still don't feel like I'm good enough.. because I can't tell those things to people and mean it from deep inside my heart. I can't tell a person I love them while looking them in the eyes. I'm the evil one. And that's always how it ends.
The one person who didn't make me the evil one, is never going to give me a chance.. so fuck this.. If I'm really lucky, I'll meet someone who I can love as much as I love that person. As it is now.. it sucks.

I know this sounds so depressing.. but I don't have anyone else to tell how I feel, than this blog. My diary of feelings.. yup yup..

Frustration!

Have you guys ever been really close to someone.. and then for some reason you can't figure out, you slowly float apart.. I guess we've all experienced something alike.. with an ex-bf.. a friend from school or whatever. There's just one thing which is different this time. I know why it's happening. There's someone better than me. I'm not needed anymore...... Thanks for nothing. I'm sick of fighting for this!

I'll let Mayday Parade describe my feelings!

Bye.

Why are you whining?

People around me is whining a LOT! To whine is alright, if you need to tell someone how you feel, either because they can help you solve the problem, or because they can make you feel better about the whole situation. The last option is mostly if the person is a very close friend, your partner or a family member. But sometimes, people whine without any reason at all. I've noticed that teenagers is a group of people who's whining much more than any other age group. They whine just to whine. They whine because they don't have anything else to talk or converse about. And lately, it has annoyed me a lot.

If something irritates you, then you should try doing something about it. "I'm too fat", then loose some weight. "This task is way too difficult" then ask a teacher, or concentrate. "Me and my boyfriend never do anything together" then FIND something to do together, or maybe talk to him about how you feel, so he can help you solve the problem. But some things in life, is just unfair, and there's nothing to do about it. You just have to learn to accept it. If you can't accept it, then sign off. Get out of it. If you aren't good enough to solve the tasks in school, maybe you should pick another education. If the task is to easy, then for god's sake, be PATIENT. Some time, they will reach your level, and you can begin to learn something.

I know, that this blog is mostly me whining about stuff. But this is my space, to say whatever I want. Because sometimes it's easier to get through with a problem and do something about it, if I first gather all my thoughts, and think it all through, so I know what to do about my problem. Plus I think people might find it interesting to see that I might have the same problems as them.

I hate vacations

Yea I know. I'm not normal. Everybody loves vacations. Laying in bed all day, watching tv, eating candy, play PS3 or whatever... that's just not me. I don't mind being all snuggled up in a bed with a good movie every once in a while, but in the vacations, that seems to happen every day. Of course, I do have things to do. I hans out with my friends, and have a few workingdays etc. but the problem is the mornings. Everybody seems to sleep till like.. 1-2 pm.. and I only sleep till.. max 9 am. So there's these 4-5 hours where I get bored to death because I have absolutely nothing to do. I can maybe spend 1-2 hours playing piano and guitar, and 30 minutes playing with my dogs, but then there's still about 3 hours left where I can do absolutely nothing :c So.. I actually like going to school because then I have something to do, and I have my friends around me all the time. They're not sleeping at home in their beds -.-

The whole conclusion of this is that my least favorite thing to do is to be bored. It litterally kills me if I have nothing to do for too long. I guess that's why I'm always doing all my homework (almost always -.-).. and work all the time. It might not be very interesting, but at least it gives me something to do. I've always wondered hopw people can stand to go without a job and without any education for so long. The big vacation in summer time is almost killing me, so how in the world can people go through years without anything to do?!!! <.<... I simply don't get it.

Anyways.. I'm actually at work while writing this, so I guess I'll go back to some cleaning or something xD